>Happy-assed Nebraska FTW!!


Happiness Index: Nebraska Nabs Top Spot [Source: MainStreet.com]


According to MainStreet.com, powered by TheStreet.com (ever heard of Jim Cramer?), Nebraska of all states ranks as the “Happiest State” in the Union.

When all of the statistics were massaged, Nebraska rose to the top. Warren Buffet, one of the richest men in the world, makes his home in Nebraska. Apparently, Nebraska is the home to “Kool-Aid” and “Cliffnotes” and, as the sign above states, “Arbor Day.”

Kansas ranked near the top. That’s a mystery. Those people are obviously easy to please. Being born in Kansas, and having lived in Kansas, I can make fun of them. And I’m half Nebraskan, and I am pretty sure that the Happiness endemic in the Nebraskan population is clearly the result of smoking too much of the demonweed which grows freely beside most every roadside.

I can understand why Hawaiians would be happy; who wouldn’t be happy to live in Hawaii. That one is a gimme.

I was surprised this week when Iowa voted to allow same-sex marriages. If there was any state that I thought would be last in allowing people of the same gender to marry, my money would have been on Iowa. Maybe Iowa is a lot more gay-friendly than I thought.

I don’t get Louisiana. Louisiana is mostly poor people. That isn’t being mean, just stating the facts. After Hurricane Rita and Katrina, maybe they are just happy to be alive. And all the criminals left for Texas. That helps, too.

Oregon ranked dead last. That stunned me. How could a bunch of rich, educated people be so unhappy? After a couple of minutes spent in deep thought, the answers arrived. First, Seasonal Affective Disorder can be to blame. Oregon is a cloudy state, rain frequently; without large doses of regular sunlight, people get sad. Ok, that explains a little of their low rank. But something else must be to blame. Then, the realization dawned on me: All of those rich, intelligent hippies are sad because of what the human race has done to the environment. They are shouldering the guilt and shame that the rest of America would bear if we had a conscience about our smoking, littering, and lack of exercise. Ta Da!

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